Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Fuck the name!!!

Fuck- The Name” is a satirical autobiography of the boy, whose parents monikered him with the name “Fuck”. Only 25 years old, Fuck is already soaring high with cool laurels and various awards to his account, with the release of his book. Already a movie in progress too!!!
This book traces his journey of living with the name, understanding the fact that why his parents named him this and thus enjoying whatever the ramifications were.

Infinitely stupid, refreshingly insane and increasingly demented, this book is a must read.


I was named “Fuck” by my parents. In the initial years, somehow I never understood why people would give me very curious and undecipherable expressions on knowing my name was “Fuck”.

I remember I was six years old when I confronted my parents for the first time regarding my name. I was browsing through the dictionary and happened to pass by the meaning of “Fuck”. I was stunned. Why me, was the first thought that came to me? I felt so dumb, so stupid and so insulted. Why would any parent want their child to be named after a swear word, why? What made them so proud? How? Why? When? Where? These questions were spinning in to my mind, imagine, a six year old, contemplating so much….

I ran to my mom. I asked her:
“Mommy, (showed the dictionary) why?”
“Oh, son, we were about to tell you this…”
I started crying. My father said to my mom, “Mary, tell him.”
My mom began. “Son, when you were delivered, I said “Fuck” indicating a sigh of relief. And that is when your father suggested, lets name him that…I said what? Are you crazy. But then he told me it’s different, its unique and no one has it…”

“But mom, you could have named me Adam, Dick,Jack…anything why this???”. I was ashamed to say even my name.

My mom replied, “What is so special in those names? Nothing. A man is known by his name. Look if you were named Jack, peopled would add an “Ass” and call you Jackass, if it was dick, you know what a “dick” means? And Adam is the oldest name on the face of this earth. Why do you want such common names. And besides an astrologer told me to name you something different so that you would be famous.” (here I am writing my own autobiography at the age of 25!!)

Slowly but surely I gulped down the fact. One day I happened to hear the lecture of Rajnish (Osho). He was speaking about the use of word “Fuck”!!! Here’s what he said:

“I feel soft when you use the word fuck. What to do? It is one of the most beautiful words. English language should be proud of it. I don’t think any other language has any such beautiful word. It is one magical word. Just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love.

In lingo it falls into many grammatical categories, it can be used as a verb , both transitive and intransitive. John fucked Eve. Eve was fucked by John. And as a noun. Mary is a fine fuck. It can be used as an adjective. Mary is fucking beautiful as you can see there are not many words with the versatility of fuck. Besides these meaning there are following uses.

Ignorance : Fuck if I know
Trouble: I guess I’m fucked now
Aggression : Fuck u
Displeasure : What the fuck is going on here?
Difficulty : I can’t understand dis fucking job
Incompetence: He is a fuck off.
Suspicion : What the fuck are you doing?
Enjoyment : I had a fucking time.
Request: Get the fuck outta here
Hostility : I am going to knock your fucking head off
Greeting: How the fuck are you?
Apathy: who gives a fuck?
Surprise:fuck u scared d shit outta me
Anxiety: m fuckingly nervous bout exams

And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a transcendental meditation just when you get up d 1st thing, repeat the mantra “fuck u” 5 times.’’

You saw that? Wasn’t what he said really cool? Now who wouldn’t love such a name!!!
Today I am in a position to say I love my name and wouldn’t change it for anything.
And I have learnt that my name is very therapeutic. How do people remove their aggression?? Don’t they call me??

Now, I don’t understand why people restrict the use of this word in public places, especially in front of girls? How would these people call me then? Why is it banned? Why are there three asterisks at the end? What is so objectionable about this word that movies and sitcoms have to edit it???

I hope my name removes this usage barrier…
No parents were born to show such inexplicable courage to name their kid “Fuck” and no son was born to display unfathomable ability to “live” with this name!!!