Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Fuck the name!!!

Fuck- The Name” is a satirical autobiography of the boy, whose parents monikered him with the name “Fuck”. Only 25 years old, Fuck is already soaring high with cool laurels and various awards to his account, with the release of his book. Already a movie in progress too!!!
This book traces his journey of living with the name, understanding the fact that why his parents named him this and thus enjoying whatever the ramifications were.

Infinitely stupid, refreshingly insane and increasingly demented, this book is a must read.

AN EXTRACT:

I was named “Fuck” by my parents. In the initial years, somehow I never understood why people would give me very curious and undecipherable expressions on knowing my name was “Fuck”.

I remember I was six years old when I confronted my parents for the first time regarding my name. I was browsing through the dictionary and happened to pass by the meaning of “Fuck”. I was stunned. Why me, was the first thought that came to me? I felt so dumb, so stupid and so insulted. Why would any parent want their child to be named after a swear word, why? What made them so proud? How? Why? When? Where? These questions were spinning in to my mind, imagine, a six year old, contemplating so much….

I ran to my mom. I asked her:
“Mommy, (showed the dictionary) why?”
“Oh, son, we were about to tell you this…”
I started crying. My father said to my mom, “Mary, tell him.”
My mom began. “Son, when you were delivered, I said “Fuck” indicating a sigh of relief. And that is when your father suggested, lets name him that…I said what? Are you crazy. But then he told me it’s different, its unique and no one has it…”

“But mom, you could have named me Adam, Dick,Jack…anything why this???”. I was ashamed to say even my name.

My mom replied, “What is so special in those names? Nothing. A man is known by his name. Look if you were named Jack, peopled would add an “Ass” and call you Jackass, if it was dick, you know what a “dick” means? And Adam is the oldest name on the face of this earth. Why do you want such common names. And besides an astrologer told me to name you something different so that you would be famous.” (here I am writing my own autobiography at the age of 25!!)

Slowly but surely I gulped down the fact. One day I happened to hear the lecture of Rajnish (Osho). He was speaking about the use of word “Fuck”!!! Here’s what he said:

“I feel soft when you use the word fuck. What to do? It is one of the most beautiful words. English language should be proud of it. I don’t think any other language has any such beautiful word. It is one magical word. Just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love.

In lingo it falls into many grammatical categories, it can be used as a verb , both transitive and intransitive. John fucked Eve. Eve was fucked by John. And as a noun. Mary is a fine fuck. It can be used as an adjective. Mary is fucking beautiful as you can see there are not many words with the versatility of fuck. Besides these meaning there are following uses.

Ignorance : Fuck if I know
Trouble: I guess I’m fucked now
Aggression : Fuck u
Displeasure : What the fuck is going on here?
Difficulty : I can’t understand dis fucking job
Incompetence: He is a fuck off.
Suspicion : What the fuck are you doing?
Enjoyment : I had a fucking time.
Request: Get the fuck outta here
Hostility : I am going to knock your fucking head off
Greeting: How the fuck are you?
Apathy: who gives a fuck?
Surprise:fuck u scared d shit outta me
Anxiety: m fuckingly nervous bout exams

And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a transcendental meditation just when you get up d 1st thing, repeat the mantra “fuck u” 5 times.’’

You saw that? Wasn’t what he said really cool? Now who wouldn’t love such a name!!!
Today I am in a position to say I love my name and wouldn’t change it for anything.
And I have learnt that my name is very therapeutic. How do people remove their aggression?? Don’t they call me??

Now, I don’t understand why people restrict the use of this word in public places, especially in front of girls? How would these people call me then? Why is it banned? Why are there three asterisks at the end? What is so objectionable about this word that movies and sitcoms have to edit it???

I hope my name removes this usage barrier…
No parents were born to show such inexplicable courage to name their kid “Fuck” and no son was born to display unfathomable ability to “live” with this name!!!

Labels:

24 Comments:

At July 1, 2008 at 11:20 PM , Blogger Admiral Fagin said...

fucking funny!!!!!

 
At July 2, 2008 at 12:20 AM , Blogger Alok said...

:D
Nice!

If this is entirely your work (I mean inventing the book and the concept too), great work!

Forgive me for my serious comment for a humourous post.

Here is what Shakespeare has to say, under the guise of Juliet:

Juliet:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

Do you know why they call such words "Abuses"? Because we are abusing the word. We are giving the actual meaning of the term a bad name.

In any case, nice post. :)

 
At July 2, 2008 at 9:18 AM , Blogger shamanth said...

lolz!!!
loved the satire :P

 
At July 2, 2008 at 10:40 AM , Blogger debasish.. said...

Although, u hav labelled dis post under 'Humor'... but i could see how serious d Author was (frm d extract). I enjoyd readin it !

Trust me, Its a 'fuckingly' nice one !

Neways.. lemme kno who is d Writer.. um dyin to read d book.
coz..I dint find the book even after googlin it. SO i guess, d book is not a joke ?

 
At July 2, 2008 at 10:49 PM , Blogger Ravi said...

its fuckingly awesome.........!!!!
i thaught that if the extract is interesting then how is the full version.........

it makes me laugh in beginning then i realise its unique name.....

 
At July 3, 2008 at 6:08 PM , Blogger manisha said...

@admiral:

thnx

@ALOKK:
chill!!!! altho i totally echo wid ur thots!!! n u knw i nvr swear...atleast til now i havent..n u ll nvr find me swearin in public!!!! totaly hate dat!!

n pls remove d "if"....u hve doubts on my abilities???...:P kidding!!!!

n u knw, 1st thot dat came to my mind on postin dis was, "alok wont like this" dunno y...bt thnk god dis wsnt true :)


@shamie: thnks dude!!

@DEB: wow m so glad u thot dis ws really a buk...did i sound so convincing?? *tucks collar*..in any case der s no buk by dis name n evrythng s my figment of imagination...take care.bie

@ravi: ITS NOT A BUK YAR!!! ITS MADE UP!!!

 
At July 4, 2008 at 3:09 PM , Blogger Ab said...

hahaha... lol....
but that still isnt good enough an argument to start me swearing :D

btw, is it a real book?

 
At July 4, 2008 at 6:23 PM , Blogger --xh-- said...

never thought itz made up till i read the comments.. good imagination.. :-) enjoye dreading it..
itz teh word i love and use a lot :)

 
At July 5, 2008 at 6:20 PM , Blogger Sujoy Bhattacharjee said...

I vaguely remember watching the discourse by Osho that you mention in that imaginative story of yours.
I was rolling with laughing this time too.
But names can be pretty interesting.

 
At July 7, 2008 at 9:51 PM , Blogger Quaintzy Patchez said...

whoa lady! :D
funny to the core! awesome write! :)

 
At July 9, 2008 at 2:49 PM , Blogger abha said...

did osho ever give such fucking speach?nice idea,manu u can really pen down a book now.
one thing is decided...i'll call ur son fuck!! hahaha

 
At July 13, 2008 at 3:17 PM , Blogger ♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

lolll LMAO...amazing..rock on

 
At July 13, 2008 at 5:33 PM , Blogger nefariousoutlook said...

hey..long time ...but one thing i need to say..you havent lost your touch :) keep it up gal :)

 
At July 16, 2008 at 11:50 AM , Blogger zahid said...

And no woman was ever born to display a particular interest and write a review cum extract of an imaginary book.
What say ?

Infinitely stupid, refreshingly insane and increasingly demented, this book is a must read.

And pretty much so if this book was a real it would have been revolving in controversies years before it released.

I dont know why but most people only asocciate this word with the nethers. Atleast in our country (provided you havent already married a coveted German)

!!! ciao soon !!!

 
At July 17, 2008 at 12:15 AM , Blogger Matangi Mawley said...

tht was fucking good! :D

actually, it was seriously good.. wont call it a humor.. i thought it smethin sensible, rather! :)

 
At July 19, 2008 at 12:45 PM , Blogger ραŁŁαv said...

gosh...real cunning n gud...
wonder where all this augmented from?
train station se kya????

 
At July 19, 2008 at 4:22 PM , Blogger Comfortably Numb said...

This is fucking amazing.
And the most amazing thing about it is that even I haven't even fucking heard about this thing. But then you gave it a new fucking dimension. And this is a big fuck you to all the fucktards who think that the fucking word "fuck" isn't fucking delicious :P

awe-fucking-some post!

Cheers!

 
At July 31, 2008 at 3:22 PM , Blogger Standbymind said...

Awesome!

 
At August 19, 2008 at 5:52 PM , Blogger Matangi Mawley said...

hey.. would like u'r comment on my recent post- the other end of a cigarette.. do drop in whn u fine time!

 
At August 22, 2008 at 1:53 AM , Blogger the basu said...

well considering the success of THE NAMESAKE i guess it'd be not insane of you to publish such a book as the one you mentioned...
that was really fun
and i'm blogrolling you.

 
At November 13, 2008 at 12:16 PM , Blogger ♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

haha, good one!

 
At June 9, 2009 at 2:45 AM , Blogger Meghana Naidu said...

effing brilliant ;)

You mihgt think that its a disgrae to use 'effing; in a post dedicated to THE word. But by this i show my reverence.

Eff Ho!

 
At July 6, 2009 at 11:57 PM , Blogger As the Mind Meanders said...

Fucking brilliant... Reverse Coconut... soft and funny on the outside..

 
At November 2, 2009 at 10:47 AM , Blogger disha said...

hey! awesum yaar!

 

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